WWCETD? (What Would Coach Eric Taylor Do?)

#18. Get serious about saving money.

I have basically no concept on how to save money. I am Suze Orman's nightmare. I don't understand stocks, because I don't want to lose any money, I want more of it. And to make more money, from what I gather about the stock market, it takes a lot of money to make more money. And what is a 401k? I should have one? I don't. From time to time I have a savings account but then things come up like bailing your brother out of jail, trips, and Chanel sunglasses. To be honest my brother's bail money didn't come out of my savings, but only because I didn't have enough in there. Those sunglasses are real cute y'all.

I tend to live in the moment. When I want to go to Chicago, I want to go now. I want to have great memories like Timmy Riggin's always says, so I buy the entire box set of Friday Night Lights. Clear Eyes, full heart, empty wallet.

Money is one of the things that makes me anxious. Anxious to the point of irrational panic attacks. Panic attacks that cause me to become a full on sweat machine. When I was growing up, we had money. My father did very well and we lived in a beautiful house in an affluent neighborhood. Not bad for two people who grew up poor in Buffalo. Then, the money was gone. The house was gone. Which was a relief for me. I always carried this burden that people looked at me differently because I had money, that I had a mansion as a house. These things weighed on me. As a kid, we never talked about money. Never. I just knew money was something that was fleeting. For the most part, I don't like money. It makes me uncomfortable. But I know that I need it and the more the better, right? Because Frye boots are expensive!

But now as I sit in my sisters basement, listening to my nieces scream in the next room over, I wish that I had saved money for an apartment. It boggles my mind that friends of mine own houses, condos and cars. I literally sit and think, "HOW THE FUCK DID THEY DO THAT?" Its so foreign to me.

One of my dearest people is turning 30 in just a few days. We met freshman year of college and we instantly clicked. She was the first person who said "I never want to get married!" or "I'm never having kids" I thought that was crazy! How could she not want those things? (This is also around the time I met Dick and I was going to marry him so I just couldn't fathom someone not wanting to share their life with someone special. Someone precious and wonderful, someone like my Dick.) When her 30th started to approach she told her parents that since she was never getting married she wanted them to take the money that they would be spending on her wedding and give her a trip to France instead. She sent out Save the Budget cards to a few of us. FUCK ME RIGHT? I've NEVER been to Paris, and I have always wanted to go to the French Open. Now here is my chance to go with one of my favorite people in my life. The catch is, this trip is THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS. She's going for 2 weeks, which would be impossible for me to do for various reasons. But I want to go to the French Open part. I want to go so badly that i have very seriously considered sleeping on the streets of Paris, because somehow I have a few friends who have slept on the streets in other countries and have survived just fine. But you have to really be in my head to grasp the level of paranoia that I deal with on a daily basis. (For example, my sister was traveling yesterday and she didn't answer a text I sent her, so I automatically thought she died in a plane crash. Yes that is true, I really went there, without hesitation) So sleeping on the Parisian streets may not work for me.

So how do I save a few thousand dollars to go on this once and a lifetime trip? I'm genuinely asking because something just doesn't click for me. I need to sit and drink red wine, eat cheese, smoke cigarettes, look at art, makeout with a Frenchman, take a French lover and steal clay from the courts of Roland Garros. These are all things that I seriously need.

Help. Wont you help me save money, at least until May.

I know that I am letting Coach Eric Taylor down, but my new motto may become: Clear eyes. Full heart. VIVA LA FRANCE!

Forever yours,

Broke Becs

THE LIST

I turn 29 in February, so I have some time before my list needs to be completely finalized. I need some help from you, my readers, or reader, to finish it. I am open to adding and subtracting items, there just need to be 30. That's what makes a 30x30.

Items on the list don't have to be over the top. I have done a lot of things in my life, so there are a few go-to items that are automatically excluded. Also I don't have a ton of money, so lets keep this reasonable kids. I mostly want long term things that will take time to complete and that I can keep doing. Or things that I dread. I want to do so much. While in a store looking at notebooks I found one that said "Go Everywhere. Live Everything." That is what I want to do, not just with this list but throughout my whole life. Also my theme song for this experiment is "Shake it Out" by Florence and the Machine, in fact I just shook it out in my shower, and kudos for me on showering on my day off!

Here are somethings that are automatically off the list: tattoos (I have 4 and counting), go to Europe or Vegas (been), run a marathon, perform on stage, get drunk and make a fool of myself (Done. Several times over), have a one night stand (Done. Several times over).

Also this list is in no particular order. When I begin an item on the list I will blog about why I am doing it, and after I am done or while I am doing it. So here it is, The List Version 1.

1. Perform stand-up. (I do improv and sketch comedy this is a completely different beast, one I'm terrified of)

2. Go vegetarian for a week.

3. Go blonde

4. Take an art class

5. Learn guitar

6. No FB/Twitter/texting for a week

7. Visit my grandparents graves

8. Learn to crochet

9. Get up early and run for a week

10. Learn how to make old school cocktails

11. Read The Catcher in the Rye

12. Get a bikini wax (This doesn't mean that things aren't under control down there, I've just never waxed the thing. Okay?!?)

13. Drink a Scotch from 1983

14. Go on a blind date (Much, much help is needed for this one)

15. Host a formal dinner party

16. Write a letter to Tina Fey (This one is pretty weird huh?)

17. Smoke a cigar.

18.

19.

20.

21.

22.

23.

24.

25.

26.

27.

28.

29.

30.

Help please.

I had "Make amends with Dick" on the list. Someone convinced me that wouldn't really help. Plus as much as I would like to, I think it's best that Dick and I aren't in each others lives right now.

Today is December 7th, I have 2 months and 11 days to finalize this list. Lets get creative friends.

Forever Yours,

Squeaky Clean B.

Why 30x30...

Dear Twelve Year Old Self,

Hi Rebecca. It's me, you. It's Becca. I'm 28 now and I want to tell you about all the things that you have and have not accomplished in your life.

First I want to tell you that the plan that you have laid out for yourself goes not at all according to plan. I will break it down point by point to tell you how it all really happened.

List #1: Find "the one" Freshman year of college. Engaged by 22, married by 23, first kid (a girl) by 25, then 4 other kids by 29.

Life: Well you did go to college! That was a score, considering that seemed if-y for a while. You met someone your freshman year of college and thought he was the one. Fuck it. Some days you still think that he's the one, but he's not. He's a DICK. He treated you like shit and you sat around for years as his steadfast "friend". You swore up and down that any minute this would turn into the love that people envied. The love that makes epic romantic comedies. It's not. Move on. Sadly, you don't really date anyone in college. You gain tons of friends that you love, and who love you. Friends that you will have long after college. You find out that you are really good at improv comedy, and that maybe this acting thing may just work out. You also develop a true love for drinking. And let me tell you, you have a time in college. A fucking great time.

Unfortunately, that time just doesn't equal getting engaged by 22. Hello! Dumb-ass, that's how old you are when you graduate college! You are in no way competent enough to get engaged! You have way too much sleeping around to do! Also when you graduate college and venture off into the world, that's when you truly realize that you are young. As I am sitting here right now, I know that I am still young. You don't realize that you are actually young until 25, I don't think anyone realizes it until then. Don't take life too seriously. You did that too much as a kid. Relax, there's no need to be that angry. You have plenty of time to get angrier. Don't worry, you won't lose that edge.

What I want you to take away from this "failure" is that it's okay to be single and 22. In fact, enjoy it because your sister who marries her college boyfriend at the age of 27, gets divorced by 31. So pump the breaks on till death do us part.

List #2: Marry someone who is talented, like an actor. That way we can work together all the time in our in home office!

Life: This literally could be the worst idea that you have ever had. Yes it's whimsical and charming. Romantic? Yes of course! I think that you are forgetting that you hate most people and loath spending time with them. This is true at 12, and for the most part it is the same at 28.

While you don't get married at 25, you do have more than your fair share of love, adventures and drunken nights while you live in Chicago. While in Chicago you pursue your comedy dreams. You study at Second City and iO Chicago where your idols trained. You meet friends who challenge you and friends who break your heart. Oh and remember the dick friend you were in love with in college (and I will refer to him as Dick for the rest of the blog), Dick makes a cameo in your life in Chicago. And in true Dick fashion, he breaks your heart, your spirit, again. Like I said you have a lot of life to live. No matter how cozy the picture of you and your husband reading scripts in your shared office is, its time to move on.

However 12 year old self, I still love how we decorated the shared office. Glad to see that you had great classic design style even then.

List #3: Raise 4-5 beautiful and well adjusted all while managing a very successful movie career.

Life: Obviously you know by now this does not happen. However you are raising 4-5 while you nanny for your sister and live in her basement from ages 27-present. Yes your sister got married, had a baby, got divorced and now lives with a man who has 4 of his own kids from a previous marriage. In the simplest terms, you are the Alice to their Brady Bunch. Most days it's great, because most days there are no kids. Even when the kids are there, they are pretty okay kids. It's even better that they are not yours.

Why am I writing this letter to the past? I think we all have a 12 year old girl lurking inside. She's there, festering. Sitting there gathering dust, while her hopes, dreams and judgements echo through my whole body. Fuck her. Right? She knows nothing. I still know nothing even to this day. So I guess the only real difference between me and my 12 year old self is that i can acknowledge that I know nothing.

My 12 year old nemesis is the reason for my 30x30 list. The bitch has been haunting me for years. No matter how much I travel, perform or have amazing experiences that she never planned, she is always there.

I have lived a life. Not the one I penned for myself many years ago, but a life that is mine. No matter how pathetic it has been at times.

My 30x30 is a challenge to myself, to do things that I never planned. I plan on spending the last year of my 20's running towards 30. Embracing it. Fuck you 12 year old self, stop judging me and grow up.

Forever yours,

Self 28